Unleashing my inner man-child with a Battle Troll!


Today I clocked adulthood, I done the most grown up thing possible… I bought a toy, and no, not for the kids, I bought a toy for me, and no, it wasn’t one of those toys either.

I have spent the last 4 weeks enthusiastically refreshing a website that had a tracking number for a parcel from Greece and every time I loaded the page my inner child would be screaming “IS IT HERE YET?!?!” much like a impatient child on a long car ride. Today it finally arrived and it felt like it was the Christmas of 1993 all over again.

In the early 90’s there seemed to be a massive Troll boom, every kid had a Troll of some sort. The standard troll was a naked little thing that had long colourful hair and it was something that didn’t really appeal to boys.

The standard issue Troll

The standard issue Troll

…That all changed with the introduction of the baddest trolls on the planet, Battle Trolls! The bad ass looking fellas were “Big haired dudes…. With Bad attitude”

Yes, he's a Troll but not just any Troll, he's a Battle Troll!

Yes, he’s a Troll but not just any Troll, he’s a Battle Troll!

I remember the Christmas I got this, I was so stoked, for the next few years my Battle Troll was my go-to toy that went with me everywhere. Between me and my mates we had a tribe of Battle Trolls and we spent hours and digging out bases for them to live in under tree roots and waging wars against each other.

I have read this about 746 times since it arrived.

I have read this about 746 times since it arrived.

My original Battle Troll may still very well be in my possession, but I’m impulsive and a lazy person after 10 very short minutes of looking in boxes, I gave up and went¬†up eBay. Lucky for me these toys are cheap, that’s probably because they weren’t very popular (maybe because they were Trolls). I waited out what felt like the longest weeks of my life and it arrived today. All those old memories came flooding straight back as I stared at it with a cheesey as hell smile.


Complete with a gun and firing crossbow!

Complete with a gun and firing crossbow!


Now I am left with a massive problem.. Should I open it? Or should I kept my childhood sealed in that beautiful packaging?

Angus Westgarth

Author: Angus Westgarth

Proud Timaruvian. Dabbler in many things. Tired.


  1. Open it and get that new toy smell, or keep and look at it everyday wondering what it smells like….

  2. Yeah! Open it

  3. Yeah open it and troll it up. Smell it… this reminded me of those balls that had faces on them… and not nutts.. i mean mad balls or something?

  4. Open it and plat the hair into something viking like! OH YEAH…VIKING BATTLE TROLLS!

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